The Little Ego That Could

Our Enneagram type, or ego pattern, determines what it is we think we should be able ‘to know and do’ in order to be worthy, and to deserve being happy and safe and secure. For example, as a Type Two, I think I should know what others need, and should be able to help them. Of course this is not possible from the limited perspective of a little ego.

The thinking ‘I can do it’ grows out of a core fear that ‘I can’t do it’. According to Zen Master Charlotte Joko Beck, Core Beliefs are founded on a personal conviction of an intrinsic deficit in the very core of our being. Out of this come our basic belief systems and strategies which we think will allow us to survive and function in the world. Each Core Belief is always in the realm of deficits… of not being enough.

Every positive value that is attached to the pronoun “I” is an attempt to ward off an opposing, negative value.

This dualistic thinking is difficult to wrap our heads around since it is the nature of mind itself, and the murky river we swim in.

The following list includes an example of “I know” and “I can do” for each Type:

Type One

“I have a higher vision of how things should be, and am focused on working hard and doing my best. I strive to do what is right and to correct what is wrong ….and hopefully to guide others and make useful contributions. I respect and uphold the rules and will not rest until the job is done properly.”

Type Two

“I am good natured and giving. I am focused on others and I am aware of what they need. I am open and empathetic and know what to give, and how to communicate in ways that will help others. I have a sense of what is true and I enjoy sharing what I know.”

Type Three

“I am able to parry problems and find quick, efficient solutions. I am ambitious and know what success looks like in any situation. I am able to set goals and work hard to get the job done.”

Type Four

“I am self aware and possess an exceptional depth of feeling and insight. I know how things should be. I communicate and express myself creatively from this deep connection to what is real.”

Type Five

“I am independent and calm, taking up minimum space and resources. I am knowledgeable and can see what others can not see, and thus am able to find solutions to difficult problems. I enjoy sharing my observations and vision and making a useful contribution.”

Type Six

“I am security-oriented, able to discern what and who can be trusted…. and what can go wrong. I am prepared for the worst but soldier on despite limitations and hardships, being trustworthy and loyal, doing my best to lead others to safety.”

Type Seven

“I am upbeat, open-minded and playful, enjoying life to the fullest. I am able to visualize and brainstorm new ideas and projects and planning for future pleasurable possibilities. I make sure to contribute to the well being of others and share enjoyable experiences.”

Type Eight

“I have good instincts, am strong, self-reliant and assertive, taking control and doing what needs to be done. I aggressively crusade against what I know is unjust; I protect the innocent.”

Type Nine

“I am energetically connected to others, including plants and animals and the earth. I am attentive to what others want and am a source of understanding and knowing. I have a clear, positive energy that can transform negativity, and hopefully contribute to peace and love in the world.”

Teachers from all spiritual traditions have emphasized the importance of becoming aware of the limitations of this ego self.

Ramana Maharshi teaches that the thought “I can do it” or “I know” is ego. He refers to the “I-thought” as a limitation of “I-consciousness”.

We may become defensive when our idea of who we think we are, or should be is threatened. This reactive energy takes the form of anxiety, fear, anger, guilt, pride, envy etc. We either blame ourselves or some other. This energy blocks our ability to see reality as it is, and to engage in effective action. Observing and feeling defensive thought and reactivity in the body and tracing it to its source provides an opportunity to release the knot of ego and dissolve our individual limited “I” into our true “I-Am”, or Oneness.

Here is an example of this process from the perspective of the children’s story “The Little Engine Who Could'’….but with a twist.

In the story, Little Blue engine accepts the challenge of pulling a stranded train filled with food and toys over steep mountain terrain to the needy children on the other side. Little Blue was a railroad engine that had been built for moving a few cars on and off the switches. Many larger engines had been asked to help deliver these supplies but they refused. In desperation, Little Blue was asked and she accepted the challenge puffing, “I-think-I-can, I-think-I-can”.

I am guessing that Little Blue is a Type Six. Her heroic efforts and courage and determination are clearly the important message in this story as written by Watty Piper. In the original story Little Blue’s perseverance pays off in the end.

However, the following may be what many of us experience:

After much pushing and pulling and striving, Little Blue began to slow down, and lose ground. Anxiety and panic filled her as she faced the probability that, on her own steam, she could not pull her way to the top. She feared that this failure would mean that the poor children on the other side would not receive the supplies they desperately needed. This situation was her worst nightmare – making a bad decision that would result in harm.

In an attempt to ward off this anxiety and guilt, she began to project. Anger grew as she thought about those larger trains who had refused to help in the first place. She imagined them as being pompous, self-serving, irresponsible and unconscious, (these words are clues to her shadow side…to what she most avoids in herself).

She thought: “Why is this all on me? Why doesn’t anyone have my back?”

Ultimately, fear and helplessness overwhelmed her. Her earlier hopeful refrain, “I-think-I-can” “I-think-I-can” became, “Who did I think I was to think I could? I can’t. I am not enough. I am unable to make good choices. I should have anticipated and prepared for this. I have failed.”

Then something unexpected happened. Little Blue remembered the words of a wise old engine who had visited her station yard a few years back. She remembered the wisdom he shared about how courage and hard work and perseverance are essential…but there will come a time when you are forced to realize that, ‘by my own efforts I can’t do this’. At that moment you surrender and become aware of a part of you that is more powerful than any locomotive.

As Little Blue remembered these words, something shifted inside of her.

She began to experience faith and hope rising from deep within and she sensed that some inner power was taking over. Little Blue was back on track.

*In this story Little Blue could be a Type Six. I am wondering about characters from other favorite children’s books? Is The Lorax an Eight? What about Ferdinand the Bull? A Nine or a Five? What were some of your favorite children’s books?

Joko Beck writes that we should keep in mind the difference between the thought: “I must know or do,” and just knowing and doing.

“Become conscious of being conscious. Say or think “I am”, and add nothing to it. Be aware of the stillness that follows the “I am”. Sense your presence, the naked unveiled, unclothed beingness. It is untouched by young or old, rich or poor, good or bad, or any other attributes.”

– Ramana Maharshi

“And there you know you are one with that Source which is peace, which is compassion, which is intelligence, which is awareness.”

– Annamalai Swami